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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28552563">For Her</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheregenerated/pseuds/sheregenerated'>sheregenerated</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, F/F, POV Yasmin Khan, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Pre-Episode: Revolution of the Daleks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:14:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28552563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheregenerated/pseuds/sheregenerated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yaz’s world had shifted its axis the day the Doctor fell from the sky. That enigmatic madwoman that spoke absolute nonsense, yet somehow Yaz had believed every word. There was something about her that drew Yaz in, like a gravitational pull, an undeniable law of the universe that she would be drawn to the Doctor. </p><p>‘I’m with you. Whatever happens.’</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Yaz</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachesh27/gifts">Peachesh27</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>(No ROTD spoilers in chapter 1 or 2.)</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>‘I want more. More of the universe.’</p><p>She’d be lying to herself if she’d stopped there, if she told herself that was all she wanted. Every time the Doctor took her hand, touched her arm, Yaz fell just a little bit more. The way the Doctor looked at her, her eyes holding all the promise of the universe, how could Yaz not fall in love with her?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Yaz was always watching the Doctor, how she flitted around the console like a hummingbird whenever she set her ship for flight. Tried to pay attention to the settings she chose, not be distracted by that silly grin on her face when she was anticipating an adventure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Do you want to do it together?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The more time she spent with the Doctor, the more she realised that the TARDIS herself has just as much control over the navigation as the Doctor herself. It made sense, really, she didn’t have the greatest track record with parking. Yaz was also under the impression the ship was just as mischievous as her pilot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I know what you’re doing, trying to distract me.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first sign Yaz had in the TARDIS was the console room, just inside its doors. It seemed altogether too grand for a command center that had a custard cream dispenser, but it seemed oddly appropriate, given how paradoxical its owner was. Every time Yaz learned something about the Doctor, any time she shared something, she managed to skip ahead before Yaz could process what had been shared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘You ask too many questions.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Yaz had to hold tight to what crumbs the Doctor gave her and pursue her own answers. The library had a lexicon of information, but it was incredibly intimidating and difficult to find a starting point. Yaz initially thought the symbols lining the TARDIS platforms were decoration, but she realised they were the Doctor’s language. Her home planet, she’d said, was Gallifrey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz had tried to teach herself Gallifreyan ever since she’d had the words to begin her studies. She might have gotten farther with it, if she hadn’t prioritised spending time with the Doctor. It was so easy to get caught in her slipstream, with the whole universe just outside those doors. How could she stay inside with books when she could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I was thinking… everywhere.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz wanted that more than anything. To see it all, to have it all, and why shouldn’t she? Her whole life ahead of her, and with the Doctor? The possibilities were endless. The things they could do, the adventures they could have, all that time and space just waiting for them. Yaz had always thought that she’d like to be like the Doctor, that she could be as great as her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I want more. More of the universe.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d be lying to herself if she’d stopped there, if she told herself that was all she wanted. Every time the Doctor took her hand, touched her arm, Yaz fell just a little bit more. The way the Doctor looked at her, her eyes holding all the promise of the universe, how could Yaz </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> fall in love with her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘More time with you. You’re like the best person I ever met.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz’s world had shifted its axis the day the Doctor fell from the sky. That enigmatic madwoman that spoke absolute nonsense, yet somehow Yaz had believed every word. There was something about her that drew Yaz in, like a gravitational pull, an undeniable law of the universe that she would be drawn to the Doctor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m with you. Whatever happens.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were times when the Doctor would say or do something that indicated she might feel the same towards her. How she recoiled whenever someone touched her, aside from Yaz. How she seemed to hold the world in her image, how she’d acted with her mum, how she always found a way to fill the space between her fingers with her own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘We can’t have a universe with no Yaz!’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, Yaz had realised the Doctor </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> her universe. Every breath, every heartbeat, she thought of her. Now, she’d been ripped away from that life, from her. Plucked right from a dream and dropped back on Earth, expected to just go on with her life. As if she hadn’t just had her future taken from her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Get off me, Yaz!’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were so many things ahead of them, Yaz couldn’t bear to let them go. To say goodbye to all that could be. She tried to think of something she could say to stop her. She’d always used “we” when making these pleas, speaking on behalf of the others, but they both knew what she really meant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Please.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was then that Yaz knew. The Doctor could see right through her. Maybe she always had. Maybe she could even read minds, for all Yaz knew. All the excuses Yaz was thinking of, trying to find one that would make her stay. She could think of only one– but the words caught in her throat at the Doctor’s request. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Live great lives.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could she? How could the Doctor expect Yaz to do this? For Yaz, her greatest life was with her. Earth paled in comparison. The Doctor had shown her the stars and expected her to… she couldn’t even begin to imagine how to honor this request. Her mind rejected the idea. Stuck in that moment when her world was torn away from her. When the Doctor was taken from her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘We’re home. She got us home.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But even as she said the words, they felt hollow. There was something missing. A piece of her family missing. Her home, incomplete, her heart focusing on that absence, that emptiness, willing to be whole again. She couldn’t call this home, not really, not while the Doctor was gone. Not without her madwoman and her blue box. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘But what happens to her?’</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Doctor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>‘No Yaz! We can’t have a universe with no Yaz!’</p>
<p>She’d done it again– risked the universe on the whim of a pretty girl batting her eyelashes at her. She’d only done it once before, something like this, gone back into a companion’s personal history. It hadn’t gone well, she’d nearly ended the world (and the Doctor would have let her) but she’d come through in the end. She saw her, when she looked in the mirror, so certain that she’d influenced this face of hers, this hair. A reminder or something.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>May it shatter you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Doctor’s head had been quite fuzzy after her crash-landing into that train, but she remembered that day well. So much had happened. That was the day she met her fam! They‘d saved Earth, then gone to find her lost TARDIS (cheeky, tossing her out like that and leaving her in Sheffield.) </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m calling you Yaz, cuz we’re friends now.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ambitious, brave, empathetic, strong-willed, Yaz– PC Khan, as she introduced herself, but she’d given the Doctor an opening when she told her that her friends called her Yaz. Whether it was an invitation or not, the Doctor jumped at the opportunity and they were instant friends! She even came along to help her find her lost TARDIS (though, technically, she hadn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>meant</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, the Doctor liked to think that the sad little smile she gave her just before meant she didn’t want that to be their goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Do you want to come for tea at mine?’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Words could not describe the relief the Doctor felt at those words– the tension, the dread, the mourning of the fam she’d never have all put to rest the moment Yaz invited her to her flat. The Doctor had noticed her fiddling with her keys, not unlike how she stroked the door of the TARDIS. But even though she knew, Yaz didn’t want it to end either, she couldn’t quite bring herself to say the words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I don’t think so… are we?’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor hadn’t really slowed down to think about that sort of thing, but why should she have? Humans and their labels, their boxes, just trying to understand how they would limit themselves made her brains twist into knots. Not to mention how the labels and terms change over time, the meaning of words and phrases. Language changes just like people do– something the Doctor loved about it– but it did make it a bit tricky in moments like this. Not to mention, she had a bit of a history with companions and their mothers. Didn’t exactly want to get slapped by saying the wrong thing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I want more. More of the universe. More time with you.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor felt like a long-neglected book taken off its shelf, the dust blown off like a promise of someone curious to read her many pages. Soft hands brushing stiff binding, cracked with age, careful to move slowly so as to not risk her falling apart. They didn’t have all the time in the universe, but that wasn’t on her mind, now. The only thing on her mind were those words, how they captured her tongue, her greatest ability disabled by Yasmin Khan. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘You’re like the best person I ever met.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor’s vanity and arrogance varied with every form she took, but these words sent a whole new sensation through her. Adoring brown eyes staring into her own, an appreciative smile reassuring the Doctor that she meant every word. The Doctor didn’t know how to respond to that, if any words could possibly follow up such a statement at all. Then Ryan and Graham chimed in and broke the hold on her, brains rebooting to ensure she shared the risks that came with the rewards. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘No Yaz! We can’t have a universe with no Yaz!’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’d done it again– risked the universe on the whim of a pretty girl batting her eyelashes at her. She’d only done it once before, something like this, gone back into a companion’s personal history. It hadn’t gone well, she’d nearly ended the world (and the Doctor would have let her) but she’d come through in the end. She saw her, when she looked in the mirror, so certain that she’d influenced this face of hers, this hair. A reminder or something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘How much he loved her.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yaz had such a big heart, always thinking of others, even those she hadn’t met. The Doctor couldn’t help but wonder if Yaz thought of her. Her eyes fell to her lips before correcting their soft gaze, only to find Yaz mirror her movements. Though they never spoke about that moment, the Doctor felt as if they’d had their own silent conversation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Yasmin Khan, you speak my language.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor only travelled with the best, and Yasmin Khan was no different. She never ceased to amaze the Doctor, always quick to take action, but thoughtful enough to think if there was a better way to do so. Intelligent, on her own and as the Doctor explained new concepts to her that she was quick to pick up on. The Doctor was glad to have someone who could keep up with her, both physically and mentally, like they were made for each other. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’m with you. Whatever happens.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One heart was bursting with affection, the other pained by the losses of her past. The Doctor knew that the companions closest to her, with the most ardent devotion, almost never got happy endings. It was a terrible thing, to feel so deeply, it might have torn her in two, had she not swallowed down her internal conflict and push on. Yaz would be with her, she would keep her safe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘It’s too dangerous.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Yaz’s ambition, her desire to do more, had only grown the longer she travelled with the Doctor. Now, she was flying on her own, going back into the fray while the Doctor continued on under the promise of return. She felt a terrible sense of foreboding as she watched her walk away from the TARDIS to pursue her lead. The Doctor wasn’t sure she’d ever see her again, and as she closed the door, she wished more than anything that she could be the one to put herself in danger instead. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘For this universe. For you. My Fam.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor had been unable to keep herself from taking one last look at Yaz before turning away. If she hadn’t realised it by then, it was painfully obvious now. But there was no time left, even if it needed saying, what was the point? It would only make it harder on them both. This was the way it had to be. The Doctor, alone, sacrificing herself for her universe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Get off me, Yaz!’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor had known, even before looking, that it was Yaz who would reach for her. She was always the first to run to her aid, even when she didn’t ask for it. Even when she told her not to, she was always teetering on the edge of disobedience. The Doctor had to be firm with her, more so than the others, for her own safety as she seemed to care less and less about it with time. Or, perhaps, less only when compared to her concern over the Doctor’s. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Please.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor could see it in her eyes when she’d turned on her, and it broke her hearts. How she’d snapped at Yaz, tore her wrist from her grip, how this would be the last time she saw her. Worse, that it was the Doctor who’d done this to her– the Doctor who’d made her brows knit together, the tear fall involuntarily down her cheek. Yaz knew it too, she usually turned away when she cried, but she held onto the Doctor’s gaze like a lifeline. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Live great lives.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Three words she hoped she’d never have to say, not to them. This wasn’t the first time, she’d recorded this in her own TARDIS so she had a hologram of her current face in case she ever needed to send them to safety. But this? This was so much worse. To see someone you love shatter before you. To see those words forming in their eyes, words that would make you stay, make you whole. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then walk away. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>13 is now able to imagine what Rose looked like when she saw the hologram telling her to have a fantastic life. </p>
<p>Just in case you were wondering.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Is this my first look at Yaz without the Doctor? No. Will it be my last? Definitely not. </p><p>Am I going to continue this, both in Yaz's POV and the Doctor's? </p><p>No. Probably not. Maybe, yeah. Ready?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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